


(i'm alive, still)

by thisissirius



Series: ficmas 2020 [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Truck Bombing, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28017657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: Buck doesn’t wake up alone.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: ficmas 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2052177
Comments: 16
Kudos: 305
Collections: 9-1-1 ▶ Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz / Evan "Buck" Buckley





	(i'm alive, still)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HaleyBuckley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleyBuckley/gifts).



> ficmas day one; for haley who deserves ALL the love right now and never fails to support me in everything i do. everyone needs a hayley in their life, honestly.

Buck doesn’t wake up alone.

Later, when he’s not so high on medication, he’ll remember. When he first opens his eyes, half-lidded because that’s all he can manage, and turns his head to the side, Eddie’s sitting in the awkward plastic chair, one leg up against the hospital bed, phone balanced on his knee.

Buck’s not sure if he grunts or makes another noise, but Eddie looks up anyway, relief shoving all other emotions from his face.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly. “You’re awake.”

 _Probably not for long_ , Buck wants to say. Instead, he tries to move only to find he can’t. Frowning, he lifts his head, eyes wide when he sees the stupid contraption around his leg. Fuck, what the fuck—

It comes crashing back; the bombing, the truck, his leg, the _pain_.

“Buck,” Eddie snaps.

Buck looks at him. His chest is tight, he can’t breathe, and oh god, he’s never going to walk again, never going to be a firefighter again, and—

“Listen to me,” Eddie says, voice sharp and pointed. His hands are on Buck’s face and oh, oh, he’s touching Buck softly as if Buck’s going to break. Buck’s not so sure he’s wrong. “It looks bad but you won’t give up, you understand me?”

The words won’t come. Buck wants to say yes, wants to scream no, wants to just forget the last few hours. Days? He doesn’t even _know_.

Maybe if he feigns sleep—

One of Eddie’s hands drops to the bed. The other rests on the curve of Buck’s neck. It’s a lot of emotion that Buck doesn’t know how to deal with and he closes his eyes, concentrates on breathing in, out, in, out.

There’s a ghost of a kiss pressed to his temple.

Buck’s eyes snap open. “Eddie,” he manages. “I can’t—”

“You can,” Eddie says, without waiting to hear what Buck’s got to say. Not sure how he wants to finish it, Buck can’t be mad. “You will, because I’ll be here, Buck, understand?”

A sob works its way out of Buck’s throat before he can stop it. Great, now he’s humiliated. The hand on his neck tightens, thumb swiping against the shell of his ear. Buck swallows down the urge to throw up. “What did the doctor say?”

Eddie’s eyes go distant, something akin to despair in his expression before it’s gone just as quickly. He explains, staring at Buck’s shoulder instead of to his face, and Buck listens with as much of a disconnect. His mind can’t help but work through everything a mile a minute. Being a firefighter is all he has, all he is, and now it’s a million steps away because of a stupid kid and a firetruck and shit, that firetruck was on him and—

“Easy.” Eddie’s word is soothing, even low and serious it stops the racing of Buck’s thoughts and his heart.

“I’m scared.”

Eddie’s expression breaks. He leans in, and Buck knows he’s a good dad, he’s seen it enough. In Eddie’s eyes, though, in the way he cradles the back of Buck’s head, the whisper of his voice when he says, “I know,” Buck _feels_ it.

Not, he thinks a beat later, is anything about Eddie right now fatherly.

“Eddie,” Buck says, voice breaking.

Eddie breathes in, shaky, and his fingers stroke over Buck’s cheek. “I swear, you’re gonna be okay.”

The thing is—

Before this, there’s been nothing. Not, well, not nothing, because you don’t get something from nothing. He and Eddie, though, they’ve been dancing around this thing between them for months. Buck’s never expected anything to come of it, not with Christopher.

“Chris,” Buck breathes.

Eddie’s lips quirk up into a smile for the first time. “With Tia.”

“Oh,” Buck says, closing his eyes. He doesn’t want Chris to see him like this, broken and sad and _lost_ , but part of him wishes Chris were here. Foolishly.

Eddie’s watching him. “I can bring him later,” he says decisively.

Buck frowned. “I don’t want—”

“He’s seen me here,” Eddie points out. “He wants to know you’re okay.”

“I’m not.” The words spill out before Buck can stop them, but he means them.

There’s a complicated expression on Eddie’s face, but it doesn’t look bad. “I know, Buck. You won’t be, for a while, but I promise I’ll be here. The whole time.”

Buck doesn’t know whether to believe Eddie or not.

“Buck,” Eddie says, squeezing the hand on Buck’s neck. “You’re not alone, and you won’t be. No matter what, firefighter or not, we’ll fight this together, okay?”

Opening his mouth to say sure, the words, “You promise,” slip out instead. Everyone leaves. His parents, Maddie, Abby. Everyone leaves and Buck doesn’t know how to make people _stay,_ but Eddie seems to want to. Is asking to.

“I’ve got your back, remember?” Eddie searches his face, then leans in until their foreheads touch. He breathes out, lips ghosting over Buck’s. “Always.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice breaks but he wants to say _thank you_ and _please stay_ and _what am I gonna do_? Instead, he closes the distance, presses a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips.

Eddie moves back, a smile on his face, and he strokes a finger over Buck’s nose. “I promise, Buck. I’ll be here.”

“Okay,” Buck says in return, and it feels like the start of something instead of the end.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://thisissirius.tumblr.com/tagged/fic%20by%20me)


End file.
